it is precious to me

when I started this somewhat crazy new life, I knew I had to do 10 weeks of work within 12 weeks to avoid having to pay for the training. to cut a long story short, I did 10 weeks and 2 days in one go without a break. not my original choice, but life happens

seventy two days. 24 / 7 ….some criminals get less time than that …

at one point, I was about an hours drive away from my daughter – and bless her little cotton socks, she re-arranged her working hours and headed south to see me. I told her I would be in the coffee shop, having a leisurely breakfast

oh dear. when she arrived and I saw her lovely face, I burst into tears and couldn’t stop!

I had been placed with clients within two days of ending my training, and this was about week four ..I was tired and exhausted and stressed and all this after having given up my home, leaving all my other loved ones and my country behind a mere few weeks before. and once the floodgates opened, there was no closing them!

the waiter was startled at how many paper napkins I was using – I kept ordering more tea and napkins …..Noah would have been proud of my attempt to flood the world

however, needs must, and a smile was slapped onto my dial, and off I went – wishing I didn’t have to wave goodbye. I deliberately didn’t. that was just too tough, seeing her drive away….

at that stage, I was due to see her in a couple of weeks – I didn’t know then that I would agree to a full ten and a half weeks

…and now, with three-week gigs, I am struggling.

I have spent some time mulling things over in my head. why are 21 days tough when I know I can do 72? one thing that stands out as different, is that the bulk of the long haul was spent in two-carer positions. I had a fellow ‘sufferer’ alongside me. I am currently working alone and this difference has helped me to understand what unsettles me

it is this…what makes me happy and sustains me is having one on one chats. those times when one drinks cups of tea and makes sense of this funny old world.  and I miss this. a lot. it is precious to me. it’s always more precious when it is with a heart friend, but as I get to know each carer in turn, they find a spot in my heart ….

it helps me to know what makes me happy and what constitutes a stretch.

I deeply appreciate my time with loved ones

those hours of chatter …they are precious to meDSC_0529

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WildChild-less AddVenture

yes, WildChild usually joins in when I am having fun – but today, she was left up in the bedroom while I was working

I have been with this client for ten days or so – and another ten to go. I really like her, and her home, so I feel very comfortable and relaxed here

it is a lovely large home on large grounds, relatively rural although it is in a village

the garden is the typical English Country Garden …or at least, it is the image that comes to my mind when I hear the phrase. old established trees, loads of flowering bushes and shrubs and splashes of colour everywhere

…and a manicured lawn ….

which is luscious and soft and so unlike the grass I grew up with …

the magical part that led to my AddVenture is that the grounds are on a slope, and for days I have been looking at the lawn in the back garden and wondering whether I am brave enough to attempt to roll down the hill, just as I did a couple (well, perhaps more than a couple) of decades ago

I am pleased to report that I Am brave enough ….although, when I was young, I didn’t need to remove my specs before I played …

WildChild is so proud of me – and is delighted to report that it only takes one or two turns before I get dizzy!

I shared the info on face book …and people questioned the veracity of my story …I may need to record it next time ….watch this space …

…..who knows what I will post next time ….

in(ter)dependence

I took a Giant Leap last year to the other side of the World … with the very vaguest of ideas of what to do and where to go and how to support myself

It is something that I felt I had to do – part of the journey for this particular lifetime. I am very glad I did. I sometimes yearn for people who are many miles away, and occasionally I feel a twinge of sadness that many familiar things are either permanently gone from my life, or too far away for me to enjoy them. Sights, sounds, smells ..you know the score

The huge change was my endeavour to prove to myself that I can earn enough money to support myself as a fully independent person

I thrust myself into an AddVenture that would generate income and also give me as much freedom as I wanted within some financial parameters

……..and then it began to dawn on me – I am never going to be independent. It is not possible. I am always going to be interdependent on others, because (and I am the loudest at preaching this …) there is merely an illusion of separation. we are all in this together.

people pay me to do things – they got that money from their hard work or from inheritances or whatever. I have investments because of the hard work of myself, my parents and others. I worked hard for my bosses for decades, and they paid me from cash they generated from their expertise AND my work in ensuring that they got paid for it….everything is interconnected

we are none of us independent. each one of us has skills or money or experiences or understandings that we gathered along our way, from a myriad of sources

clearly the lesson I have to learn on this AddVenture is not about being independent. It is far more to do with me learning about interdependence, and finding the role that works best for me.It is about finding the most enjoyable way through this maze of life.

I am acutely aware that there is still an imbalance in my life – I am still underselling myself, undervaluing my worth, and each time I notice it, I applaud myself for taking note and doing my best to rectify it.

Will I ever discover my true worth? will I ever sing the song I came here to sing? I certainly hope so, otherwise this is such a silly waste ….DSC_0230

 

lets sing together ………..

 

 

 

 

WildChild

it is said that for good emotional, mental and physical well-being, one should have a certain number of hugs per day. well, I am screwed! I am about 20,649,523 hugs in arrears.

Enter WildChild ….my fabricated solution to what seemed to be an insoluble challenge for me …what to say about a toy teddy who crept into my life, to be my companion when at the age of 20 (add a few decades if you want this to have a ring of truth) I turned my life upside down and inside out?

not for one moment am I going to suggest that she cares, or sidles up to me to issue hugs on a daily basis – she is a teddy bear, for goodness sake

but it is rather delightful to see her lying on the bed, or sitting in my car, as we go from pillar to post

and bed to bed

which makes this all sound rather fun and exciting

it is interesting, this life I am living right now

I have bravely (or indeed, incredibly stupidly) decided that I can be a carer for vulnerable adults in the UK …

what’s that you say? you know a place where I can get my head read? yay – lead on, MacDuff ….

the up side of this choice is that currently, I have no home. It is also the down side …

having no home means that my overhead costs are greatly reduced. I have a car, so insurance and petrol have to be considered.

I have a phone and a wifi router ..so a few costs in that department

other than that, no major costs (well, chocolates …ice cream ….that sort of thing …they cost money) the joy of having investments and no debts cannot be fully described

I have a safe haven in a friends home when I am not working. When I am contracted to do live-in care, I am housed and fed and paid (well, underpaid, really), in exchange for the work I am trained to offer ….

which generally means, I have cash to spend on fun, and I am my own boss and I am discovering that I am an incredibly generous boss as far as holiday time is concerned

 

It’s possible that I will share some of the interesting times we have had in the short time WildChild has been with me ….for instance, trips on a narrow boat on a canal, her refusal to leave the car for two whole weeks because of …well …wait and find out ….DSC_0103