changing gears

dsc_0198firstly, I am going to have to remember how to do that, when I get back to my home town and my white car. it is a manual gear car. I have become accustomed to my black car on this side of the globe with its lovely auto gearbox, and in turn, become deliciously lazy…. recently I had to drive a clients’ manual shift car, and I kinda remembered to change gears until I got to 3 or 4, and then I would forget …until it dawned on me that there were more options – but to be fair – with the very low speed limits, it is hardly worth the effort …

yes – this changing gears thing. I though I had pretty much done all the direction and speed changes that I required in this lifetime …but clearly not. the sheen of working 24/7 for weeks on end to reward myself with almost as many weeks without work has faded. I am done with the whole idea of being isolated from the real world for batches of weeks at a time. I have lost touch with dearly beloved friends and family. I have lost touch with dearly beloved me. in theory I have plenty of time on my hands – in reality, my brain is incapable of settling down and focusing …as soon as I do, the client or the other carer speaks or asks for help, and the joy of what I was doing fades. I have become almost mindless – I watch tv programmes on my kindle (clients seldom watch things I want to see, or they refuse to have any noise (the current challenge) so no tv, music or radio …but she expects us to know what the current happenings are and the weather – always the weather. she is blind, so cannot read for herself ….it would seem that I am also incapable of reading a book, one of my most delicious pastimes ….gone …evaporated …

I see events being shared on social media and work does not allow me to say YES! my Soul says yes, but the contract say no……….

it’s enough … I have stuck it out for almost a year, but it is time to find the new track to drive on. perhaps this time, I will not be the only person in the car. this time, I may have fellow passengers – and that is going to make a huge difference after living alone for 16 years ….

wish me luck …WildChild and I are getting ready for the next AddVenture

 

*WildChild is the name of my teddy bear. She is funky and fun ….I may share another photo of her soon …currently she is in the car outside – she says she has had enough time with this particular client and would rather keep the car company ….gotta love her …

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