step one ….write.
step two …heck – don’t ask me – I haven’t a clue!
step number something – get it published …sell many…do a book signing world tour …
I could be correct – that may well be the way to do it – but for now I am going to write and write and write and see where it leads.
I don’t even know if I should be using this blog for the writing – if I should be using some fancy programme – I have a fancy laptop …which is a great start ….so …to work …
On Being a Child
as a child, I had the mistaken belief that big people were the ones who knew everything and that I had to learn from them. someone else always knew better. if I observed and copied them, I too would have a stunning fabulous life
what a crock of nonsense! seriously – I dragged myself off to church each week because that is what our family does! so desperate to feel part of the whole, I sang in the choir (sorry to those who had to listen to my voice) and I auditioned for each play or pantomime or whatever dramatic production the church folk dreamt up.
I even became a Sunday School teacher – my deep innate desire to teach and heal was almost overwhelming. I certainly didn’t believe the clap trap I had to spout – but I thought if I did it long enough and often enough, I would believe it and the Grace of the Lord would be bestowed upon me. Now, I am not saying that my life has been without Grace – but never quite in the way I wanted or imagined.
Clearly, this was not my path …so after some years and seemingly decades of deliberation, I declared that since I didn’t believe that Christ is the only way to whatever, I was no longer able to consider myself a Christian. It was like being divorced from a person I had never seen …weird, but true. It takes courage to say to the people you have known and looked up to all the years that this isn’t my path …in discussion with some of the older folk over the following years – mainly at funerals of those who had been part of my childhood, I discovered that rather a large number of the folk I had known for years as dedicated church-goers didn’t believe, either! Church was merely part of their regular social scene and they were not as brave as I was in leaving. To be fair, they did good deeds, they mouthed all the words …but their heart wasn’t truly in it.
It has only occurred to me now – to be proud of the courageous step I took outside the circle. I still loved the people, I still loved some hymns, but they were no longer my story. Since my parents have both left the planet, I have not really had occasion to enter a church. Probably mostly because I live far from the people I knew all my life – I live in a new country and I don’t know anyone well enough to be invited to weddings etc. This is not a problem!