on Rest in Peace

I saw some posts on social media today about the passing of a well known singer. and each one said RIP or similar sentiments

where does this come from? why do we wish people a peaceful rest? what about an exciting, fun filled, busy time – socialising with all the others out there? zooming from one universe to the next, one dimension to another?

please be kind – when I pop my clogs – if you have to wish me anything at all – please let it be the most fun, the most gentle, the most learning and most loving time

 

thank you

 

and rest in peace if you want – but it’s not my hearts desire

on procrastination

oh stop it – for goodness sake, stop it! yes  you! the one who is typing – slowly, I may add, since you did a typing test a few minutes ago as your last escape into procrastination!

just stop it – stop what you know is hurting you deep down into the very core of you! stop it – get real – you are hiding away from things, using everything in your life as a reason for not moving forward! you are exhausting yourself over absolutely nothing at all – and who does this serve?

certainly not you! it’s time. Alibumps, to get onto the whirlwind ride that is life, hang onto it with both hands and probably both feet two – stop playing safe in the doldrums – because for sure the doldrums is not where you want to see out this lifetime – what a terrible waste it would be, to have spent so much time learning things, yearning to share them, and then just…nothing ….seriously – I thought you were better than that! I KNOW you are better than that – see…as you are typing you are claiming back the glory that is your birthright – your hands are heating up to remind you that energy flows through you from the Cleverness up there – all that heat is for your healing – and for the healing of others – so get to it – NO FUNKING EXCUSES ANY MORE!!

go – be that glorious person – go – be – do ….all that is necessary for that feeling of fulfilment …go! I don’t want to see you back here again until you’ve achieved one thing

I challenge you – make the shopping list, make the bucket list, research the work options, do the paperwork that is outstanding – GO!!! GET OUT OF HERE NOW! THIS IS NOT YOUR MOTHER INSTRUCTING YOU – THIS IS YOUR HIGHER SELF WHO CANNOT GET DOWN THERE TO SHAKE YOU AND WAKE YOU – BUT CAN USE THOSE BEAUTIUL HANDS OF YOURS TO GET THROUGH TO YOU USING THIS MEDIUM! GO – GET OUT OF HERE NOW AND COME BACK AS SOON AS YOU FEEL SATISFIED THAT YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING TO IMPROVE YOUR MOOD ….GO!

BTW – I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH ….DEEPLY DEEPLY DEEPLY …….YOU ARE AWESOME …I LOVE YOU

on feeling out of sorts

one day I may know why I get these periods of feeling out of step with everything, including me

I went to work today, had a few moments of rest at the river side and home for a cup of coffee. enjoyed a shower and now, sitting down to do some work, I feel slightly odd.

hmm I remember feeling as if I was downloading information earlier – that dizzy feeling I get when things shift, so that’s probably it…me coming to terms with the New

ah well …all is well…..

on lies we tell

I tell lies. mostly to myself. lies about what I can and cannot do. lies about what I am worthy of. lies about my talents and my capacity for loving unconditionally, my ability to tackle new ventures successfully, to practice restraint. oh the list is endless

as I examine the lies I tell, I realise how much I have robbed myself of

for too long I have believed that I am not as talented as others. not as worthy as others. that my task is to blend into the background, and yet anyone who knows me will know what a big lie that is – I am incapable of staying quiet and in the background for any length of time. I recently joined a local group, and at the start I promised myself I would not be my usual bouncy noisy self. that lasted a few meetings. not many ……sigh

it is true that I am not a wallflower. blending never serves me. my innermost desire is to be vocal. to enjoy life to it’s fullest extent. I want to sing and dance and laugh, and to do it with others who are having as much fun as me, even if, in the moment, we may feel a tad uncomfortable with stepping into the limelight. for not quite fitting into the scene in the way that seems more orderly and safe for others.

this aspect of me truly resonates with Marianne Williamsons words about not playing small, as it never serves anyone. I know that this denial of my Self is detrimental to the joy that this lifetime could …and should …be

I am a lighthouse. it is my task to shine brightly and perhaps inspire others to do the same. other people have chosen to be the blenders-into-the-background during their current journey on the planet. those hard working, caring, sorting-things-out sort of people who make life easier for others. but it isn’t my task to follow them.

my task is to lead, to say how I see things, which doesn’t always endear me to others, sadly(that ‘sadly’ is also a lie! when I unsettle another in order for them to see the light of their own Being, I never consider it a sadly thing! it’s much more of a whoop-whoop celebration thing) I am a catalyst. I shine into the dark spaces. I shed light on subjects or aspects that many including me, want to keep hidden

I just can’t play small anymore

I just can’t tell myself those lies anymore

I just can’t rob myself of a glorious, fun, exciting life anymore

the lies stop now! the moment I see them, I will give them a piece of my mind (although I suspect they have been stealing a piece of my mind all along) and send them on their way. the buck stops here

no more playing small

no more hiding my light under a bushel

no more mr nice-guy (um, I will rethink that one)

no more, no more, no more …my time of being in the background is done

More Me

More Abundance

More Everything Our Hearts Desire

More Following the path that leads me to my inner joy!

 

you heard it here first – More Me is coming!!!

 

 

on blank pages

a few days have passed since last I sat down to write. my idea of being a routine once a day blogger never lasts very long, as I tend towards being resistant to routine.

also, my attention span is not what it used to be. it’s to do with being more stressed in a deep seated way than I ever have been before

and perhaps that isn’t true. I had my first (of very few) breakdown moments when I was a young teenager. the boy I had met in the holidays was packing to go to boarding school, and my best buddy, who is still my only real friend from teenage years, was leaving the country. I was upset, but I internalised it all, resulting in me being unable to deal with anything that came my way for about 24 hours. I don’t recall too much of the time, but I do remember lying on the patio being served a glass of orange juice by my mum. not the most dramatic breakdown/breakthrough story ever, but it has stayed with me ….

where I am now, emotionally, is in a minefield. I want to feel things, and yet I know that if I truly acknowledge how I feel about being parted from my loved ones, I will weep for days or hours on end – and yes, releasing the pressure of sadness will serve to some degree, but it sure is not going to change the situation. I will feel better momentarily, and that is a good thing. but breaking down/ breaking through, done in a solitary manner is not going to work for me right now

I would far prefer to be close to someone who gets it – who needs no explanation, does not try to rescue, who just allows me to be …. and perhaps, when I stop crying, ask me if I am all done, at which point, I may cry loads more until that process stops and I feel whole and complete again

soldiering on seems like my plan. good or bad. which is really judgemental so I shall not give it a label

oh, this journey to Self is a tough, meandering, inspiring, frustrating one ….and always, no matter how I feel, I will remember that I am a cyclical creature – the ups and downs are natural

those blank pages …they will wait ….although I may need to consider vlogging – they typing takes time – but has the benefit of me editing before publishing…..

embrace your blank pages – you never know quite what words will land up on them …those words may be images – you never know ..