on limitations

argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours!

one of my favourite lines in Illusions written by Richard Bach.

honestly, pretty much every line in that book is my favourite. I got the book in 1979 and I think I have read it once or twice each year since then. and I shall continue to read it, because I find it so inspirational, and it was the book that changed my life in some way. it awoke me to what I had always known deep inside but had never explored or verbalised. I was raised in a situation that tended towards superficiality. my parents loved and cared deeply about many things and many people, but we skimmed over anything with depth. we argued for our limitations, and sure enough …..

as the years plod along, there is part of me that is buying into the idea of age. old age. age that limits one physically and mentally. it is not true, but oh my goodness, it is part of a huge mass consciousness that is a challenge to disregard

earlier, I was trying rather inexpertly to cut back a lot of overhanging growth that surrounds the entrance path to the house. it makes me feel unwelcome when I get out of my car and leaves me feeling that I have to duck my head on the way onto the property. it limits me. it limits my sense of expansiveness and space in which to grow and breathe freely

of course, it doesn’t really do that. I just feel that way. it doesn’t seem to bother others who approach the house, so perhaps I could learn to ignore it. or I can find the unlimited part of me that can deal with it – either physically or mentally

how I wished I was the stronger, more adept me from my past. the younger me who was more fearless. the one who would have climbed the ladder and wielded the saw. the bravado that comes with a youthful body is magnificent. I like to think that I restrain myself from a sense of wisdom, knowing what the consequences of falling off the ladder could mean in the long term. but that is not the truth. it is not the wisdom that holds me back. it is a myriad of limiting beliefs that I hold, and I sincerely trust that I can rid myself of them

I know that I believe that I have some limitations.

not only physical.

not only mental.

not only emotional.

I also know that every single limitation I can dream up has an unlimited counterpart. I can employ others to do what I cannot physically do. I can continue to get fitter and more flexible and more capable. and I can stop being concerned about the choices I am making based on my currently less able body. I can pat myself on the back for even attempting to fix the problem. I can remind myself of how many things I can manage without batting an eyelid. I can bear in mind that not everyone on the planet has the same skill set, and my particular skillset is unique, and I can list a thousand things that I can do

my most limiting belief has been that ‘if it is to be – it is up to me’

I took that literally!

the sentence, for me, is not complete until I can say – if it is to be, it is up to me (and perhaps others with their resources, too) to find the way to make it happen…

 

together, we do it

 

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the gift of loss

I choose not to bore you with the details right now – but this past year (read decade) has left me with some interesting scars, and it has slowly dawned on me that there is a level of traumatic stress in me – whether I am ‘post’ this trauma or still in it to some degree, I don’t know.

I have self diagnosed – but I think it is fair to say that one doesn’t need a fancy piece of paper in a frame on the wall to be able to diagnose a form of mental and emotional well-being or lack thereof – one merely needs to live it or observe it to know

how to heal? oh my word – there are a myriad of ways
medication (let’s face it – that is not exactly healing – it is merely a reduction or masking of the pain or a changing of the chemical balance in your body)
psychotherapy

body stress release, EFT

meditation, mindfulness

I have used pretty much all the options available for different reasons over the years, and I know that each one has its place

I believe that the best way to heal from any sort of trauma ..things like the following

-loss of loved ones – through death or otherwise

-loss of stuff that is meaningful to you

-incidents that shake you to the core – unsettling loads of your beliefs and the ideas that supported you in the past

is to resolve the relationship you have with the person or the event by making a list of what you GAINED by your loss

when a parent or other loved one leaves – in whatever manner they leave – death or separation – we spend time thinking about them – and what I find most helpful is to remember the ways in which they made my life lovely. their sense of humour. the cakes they baked. their funny giggle. the way their eyes twinkled. their fear of spiders or butterflies. their innate sense of knowing when to reach out to me … those things are the bits of information I want to keep – rather than the deep sense of loss and feeling that my life is not as valuable now that they are not here to validate me..

the loss of a home – again, in whatever manner – fire, divorce, relocation….the memories of good times there, the realisation that because of this loss, I can choose more wisely or even more wildly and out of the box next time – far fewer possessions because when there is too much – you no longer own it – it owns you! a new different home with a different view – different wildlife in the area, hence different natural sounds outside …there are many things to be joyful about, if we take the trouble to check

none of this says you didn’t have something that is now gone. it is not a denial of the heartache and trauma

what it says is – this is a new day and I get to choose how I see it and what I do with it

I get my power back in this way. I can invest my energy each day into thinking about what I have and the blessings it brings or I can focus on feeling sad and miserable and bereft by thinking of what no longer is in my daily life

I choose the gifts. I love gifts. I love the way they make me feel – the anticipation before it is unwrapped – the millions of thought whizzing in my head …do I know what it is? will I love it? is it just what I wanted? oh, the anticipation

and if I love physical gifts at birthdays and holiday, then surely I am going to love gifts from my past experiences?  for me its like holding the years gone by in soft sparkling light, rather than looking back and seeing gloomy stuff, painful stuff – and I know for sure that the lighter stuff supports my new day in a way that pleases me

look for your gifts, is my advice – you may be pleasantly surprised to see how many you have

they cost nothing other than some moments of your attention

for me – every second spent listing my gifts from the past are worth it

if you have never tried this tactic before – give it a go – you really have nothing to lose

 

on Rest in Peace

I saw some posts on social media today about the passing of a well known singer. and each one said RIP or similar sentiments

where does this come from? why do we wish people a peaceful rest? what about an exciting, fun filled, busy time – socialising with all the others out there? zooming from one universe to the next, one dimension to another?

please be kind – when I pop my clogs – if you have to wish me anything at all – please let it be the most fun, the most gentle, the most learning and most loving time

 

thank you

 

and rest in peace if you want – but it’s not my hearts desire

on procrastination

oh stop it – for goodness sake, stop it! yes  you! the one who is typing – slowly, I may add, since you did a typing test a few minutes ago as your last escape into procrastination!

just stop it – stop what you know is hurting you deep down into the very core of you! stop it – get real – you are hiding away from things, using everything in your life as a reason for not moving forward! you are exhausting yourself over absolutely nothing at all – and who does this serve?

certainly not you! it’s time. Alibumps, to get onto the whirlwind ride that is life, hang onto it with both hands and probably both feet two – stop playing safe in the doldrums – because for sure the doldrums is not where you want to see out this lifetime – what a terrible waste it would be, to have spent so much time learning things, yearning to share them, and then just…nothing ….seriously – I thought you were better than that! I KNOW you are better than that – see…as you are typing you are claiming back the glory that is your birthright – your hands are heating up to remind you that energy flows through you from the Cleverness up there – all that heat is for your healing – and for the healing of others – so get to it – NO FUNKING EXCUSES ANY MORE!!

go – be that glorious person – go – be – do ….all that is necessary for that feeling of fulfilment …go! I don’t want to see you back here again until you’ve achieved one thing

I challenge you – make the shopping list, make the bucket list, research the work options, do the paperwork that is outstanding – GO!!! GET OUT OF HERE NOW! THIS IS NOT YOUR MOTHER INSTRUCTING YOU – THIS IS YOUR HIGHER SELF WHO CANNOT GET DOWN THERE TO SHAKE YOU AND WAKE YOU – BUT CAN USE THOSE BEAUTIUL HANDS OF YOURS TO GET THROUGH TO YOU USING THIS MEDIUM! GO – GET OUT OF HERE NOW AND COME BACK AS SOON AS YOU FEEL SATISFIED THAT YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING TO IMPROVE YOUR MOOD ….GO!

BTW – I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH ….DEEPLY DEEPLY DEEPLY …….YOU ARE AWESOME …I LOVE YOU

on feeling out of sorts

one day I may know why I get these periods of feeling out of step with everything, including me

I went to work today, had a few moments of rest at the river side and home for a cup of coffee. enjoyed a shower and now, sitting down to do some work, I feel slightly odd.

hmm I remember feeling as if I was downloading information earlier – that dizzy feeling I get when things shift, so that’s probably it…me coming to terms with the New

ah well …all is well…..

on lies we tell

I tell lies. mostly to myself. lies about what I can and cannot do. lies about what I am worthy of. lies about my talents and my capacity for loving unconditionally, my ability to tackle new ventures successfully, to practice restraint. oh the list is endless

as I examine the lies I tell, I realise how much I have robbed myself of

for too long I have believed that I am not as talented as others. not as worthy as others. that my task is to blend into the background, and yet anyone who knows me will know what a big lie that is – I am incapable of staying quiet and in the background for any length of time. I recently joined a local group, and at the start I promised myself I would not be my usual bouncy noisy self. that lasted a few meetings. not many ……sigh

it is true that I am not a wallflower. blending never serves me. my innermost desire is to be vocal. to enjoy life to it’s fullest extent. I want to sing and dance and laugh, and to do it with others who are having as much fun as me, even if, in the moment, we may feel a tad uncomfortable with stepping into the limelight. for not quite fitting into the scene in the way that seems more orderly and safe for others.

this aspect of me truly resonates with Marianne Williamsons words about not playing small, as it never serves anyone. I know that this denial of my Self is detrimental to the joy that this lifetime could …and should …be

I am a lighthouse. it is my task to shine brightly and perhaps inspire others to do the same. other people have chosen to be the blenders-into-the-background during their current journey on the planet. those hard working, caring, sorting-things-out sort of people who make life easier for others. but it isn’t my task to follow them.

my task is to lead, to say how I see things, which doesn’t always endear me to others, sadly(that ‘sadly’ is also a lie! when I unsettle another in order for them to see the light of their own Being, I never consider it a sadly thing! it’s much more of a whoop-whoop celebration thing) I am a catalyst. I shine into the dark spaces. I shed light on subjects or aspects that many including me, want to keep hidden

I just can’t play small anymore

I just can’t tell myself those lies anymore

I just can’t rob myself of a glorious, fun, exciting life anymore

the lies stop now! the moment I see them, I will give them a piece of my mind (although I suspect they have been stealing a piece of my mind all along) and send them on their way. the buck stops here

no more playing small

no more hiding my light under a bushel

no more mr nice-guy (um, I will rethink that one)

no more, no more, no more …my time of being in the background is done

More Me

More Abundance

More Everything Our Hearts Desire

More Following the path that leads me to my inner joy!

 

you heard it here first – More Me is coming!!!

 

 

on blank pages

a few days have passed since last I sat down to write. my idea of being a routine once a day blogger never lasts very long, as I tend towards being resistant to routine.

also, my attention span is not what it used to be. it’s to do with being more stressed in a deep seated way than I ever have been before

and perhaps that isn’t true. I had my first (of very few) breakdown moments when I was a young teenager. the boy I had met in the holidays was packing to go to boarding school, and my best buddy, who is still my only real friend from teenage years, was leaving the country. I was upset, but I internalised it all, resulting in me being unable to deal with anything that came my way for about 24 hours. I don’t recall too much of the time, but I do remember lying on the patio being served a glass of orange juice by my mum. not the most dramatic breakdown/breakthrough story ever, but it has stayed with me ….

where I am now, emotionally, is in a minefield. I want to feel things, and yet I know that if I truly acknowledge how I feel about being parted from my loved ones, I will weep for days or hours on end – and yes, releasing the pressure of sadness will serve to some degree, but it sure is not going to change the situation. I will feel better momentarily, and that is a good thing. but breaking down/ breaking through, done in a solitary manner is not going to work for me right now

I would far prefer to be close to someone who gets it – who needs no explanation, does not try to rescue, who just allows me to be …. and perhaps, when I stop crying, ask me if I am all done, at which point, I may cry loads more until that process stops and I feel whole and complete again

soldiering on seems like my plan. good or bad. which is really judgemental so I shall not give it a label

oh, this journey to Self is a tough, meandering, inspiring, frustrating one ….and always, no matter how I feel, I will remember that I am a cyclical creature – the ups and downs are natural

those blank pages …they will wait ….although I may need to consider vlogging – they typing takes time – but has the benefit of me editing before publishing…..

embrace your blank pages – you never know quite what words will land up on them …those words may be images – you never know ..