I tell lies. mostly to myself. lies about what I can and cannot do. lies about what I am worthy of. lies about my talents and my capacity for loving unconditionally, my ability to tackle new ventures successfully, to practice restraint. oh the list is endless
as I examine the lies I tell, I realise how much I have robbed myself of
for too long I have believed that I am not as talented as others. not as worthy as others. that my task is to blend into the background, and yet anyone who knows me will know what a big lie that is – I am incapable of staying quiet and in the background for any length of time. I recently joined a local group, and at the start I promised myself I would not be my usual bouncy noisy self. that lasted a few meetings. not many ……sigh
it is true that I am not a wallflower. blending never serves me. my innermost desire is to be vocal. to enjoy life to it’s fullest extent. I want to sing and dance and laugh, and to do it with others who are having as much fun as me, even if, in the moment, we may feel a tad uncomfortable with stepping into the limelight. for not quite fitting into the scene in the way that seems more orderly and safe for others.
this aspect of me truly resonates with Marianne Williamsons words about not playing small, as it never serves anyone. I know that this denial of my Self is detrimental to the joy that this lifetime could …and should …be
I am a lighthouse. it is my task to shine brightly and perhaps inspire others to do the same. other people have chosen to be the blenders-into-the-background during their current journey on the planet. those hard working, caring, sorting-things-out sort of people who make life easier for others. but it isn’t my task to follow them.
my task is to lead, to say how I see things, which doesn’t always endear me to others, sadly(that ‘sadly’ is also a lie! when I unsettle another in order for them to see the light of their own Being, I never consider it a sadly thing! it’s much more of a whoop-whoop celebration thing) I am a catalyst. I shine into the dark spaces. I shed light on subjects or aspects that many including me, want to keep hidden
I just can’t play small anymore
I just can’t tell myself those lies anymore
I just can’t rob myself of a glorious, fun, exciting life anymore
the lies stop now! the moment I see them, I will give them a piece of my mind (although I suspect they have been stealing a piece of my mind all along) and send them on their way. the buck stops here
no more playing small
no more hiding my light under a bushel
no more mr nice-guy (um, I will rethink that one)
no more, no more, no more …my time of being in the background is done
More Everything Our Hearts Desire
More Following the path that leads me to my inner joy!
you heard it here first – More Me is coming!!!