the gift of loss

I choose not to bore you with the details right now – but this past year (read decade) has left me with some interesting scars, and it has slowly dawned on me that there is a level of traumatic stress in me – whether I am ‘post’ this trauma or still in it to some degree, I don’t know.

I have self diagnosed – but I think it is fair to say that one doesn’t need a fancy piece of paper in a frame on the wall to be able to diagnose a form of mental and emotional well-being or lack thereof – one merely needs to live it or observe it to know

how to heal? oh my word – there are a myriad of ways
medication (let’s face it – that is not exactly healing – it is merely a reduction or masking of the pain or a changing of the chemical balance in your body)
psychotherapy

body stress release, EFT

meditation, mindfulness

I have used pretty much all the options available for different reasons over the years, and I know that each one has its place

I believe that the best way to heal from any sort of trauma ..things like the following

-loss of loved ones – through death or otherwise

-loss of stuff that is meaningful to you

-incidents that shake you to the core – unsettling loads of your beliefs and the ideas that supported you in the past

is to resolve the relationship you have with the person or the event by making a list of what you GAINED by your loss

when a parent or other loved one leaves – in whatever manner they leave – death or separation – we spend time thinking about them – and what I find most helpful is to remember the ways in which they made my life lovely. their sense of humour. the cakes they baked. their funny giggle. the way their eyes twinkled. their fear of spiders or butterflies. their innate sense of knowing when to reach out to me … those things are the bits of information I want to keep – rather than the deep sense of loss and feeling that my life is not as valuable now that they are not here to validate me..

the loss of a home – again, in whatever manner – fire, divorce, relocation….the memories of good times there, the realisation that because of this loss, I can choose more wisely or even more wildly and out of the box next time – far fewer possessions because when there is too much – you no longer own it – it owns you! a new different home with a different view – different wildlife in the area, hence different natural sounds outside …there are many things to be joyful about, if we take the trouble to check

none of this says you didn’t have something that is now gone. it is not a denial of the heartache and trauma

what it says is – this is a new day and I get to choose how I see it and what I do with it

I get my power back in this way. I can invest my energy each day into thinking about what I have and the blessings it brings or I can focus on feeling sad and miserable and bereft by thinking of what no longer is in my daily life

I choose the gifts. I love gifts. I love the way they make me feel – the anticipation before it is unwrapped – the millions of thought whizzing in my head …do I know what it is? will I love it? is it just what I wanted? oh, the anticipation

and if I love physical gifts at birthdays and holiday, then surely I am going to love gifts from my past experiences?  for me its like holding the years gone by in soft sparkling light, rather than looking back and seeing gloomy stuff, painful stuff – and I know for sure that the lighter stuff supports my new day in a way that pleases me

look for your gifts, is my advice – you may be pleasantly surprised to see how many you have

they cost nothing other than some moments of your attention

for me – every second spent listing my gifts from the past are worth it

if you have never tried this tactic before – give it a go – you really have nothing to lose

 

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