many of my friends, too many of my friends, across the globe, are noticing that they have gone off track …the track they thought would be taking them wherever they needed to be, where they thought they were heading …and yet seems to have disappeared from beneath their feet.
the reasons are varied, but the underlying story is the same. accomplished women. women who have raised beautiful families, whose children are a delight to know, women who are more than able to be the leaders in which ever country they live in, women,who I hold in high esteem …one by one, they are saying the same thing – they have lost direction, they have considered or are taking anti-depressants. they feel far less accomplished and able to do things that they would have done without batting an eyelid a short while back. they are, like me, feeling battered and bruised by the volume of things that are happening around us all
I have said in about a hundred different ways, that the past year has been so tough for me, I have felt incapable of being fully functional, I have cried out for help (and because I have great people in my life, have received all the support that they could muster.) I am slowly healing, and it seems that my friends are all at different stages of healing. I wonder what it is that is really knocking us all sideways?
how can this be? how can capable, professionally trained and successful women be considering spending their days staring into space, or only just managing to create the facade that things are okay? finding air to breathe seems to be a challenge. what has gone wrong?
I was so scared when I started feeling that life was too much for me. I bandied the idea of dementia of some sort setting in …you know, considering that I am closer to 100 than 20 ….only just …but still…. I have since discounted that fear – because my story is way too close in mirroring stories of others who are older, younger, closer, far away, fit, unfit, healthy, unhealthy ….for me, right now, there is no real pattern to thinking we are all sinking into dementia, and it soothes my soul to think I am not!
then I got to wondering about getting off track, trying to get back on track, and whether there is validity in thinking that there is a track we are supposed to be on at all. it is surely okay to sit beside the track, look at it for a while …a day, a month, a year …and see whether this is the path we want to be on. all roads lead to Rome, they say – so I am giving up on getting back on track – I came off mine because it was not serving me in some way. it may well have been serving others while I was doing what I was doing, but now I am in search of the New whatever-it-is. not searching high and low, but being aware of what comes along and judging whether it suits me to join in, or the time may come when I set out on a perfectly new track or path
whatever unfolds, I am sure that it is the best possible path for me – and you will find yours, my friends ….and if you get back on the old one, I shall celebrate that with you. we came to a crossroads and its our choice to go left, right or onwards …or turn back to the place from which we came ….