on what I want

I have become a little confused by my daydreams – or perhaps conflicted is the correct word …

there is a big part of me that wants to grab a great opportunity and run with it – one that takes me everywhere I have ever dreamed of going, doing everything I have ever dreamed of doing, and getting me all the things I have yearned for – recognition, understanding, the chance to teach and inspire and to not only be wise but to be able to share that wisdom with others in a way that uplifts us both and makes life a more pleasurable activity than it sometimes seems …..

I want the career. I want all that goes with it – I want to learn …oh god how much I want to learn but not just for me – it is learning for me to be able to share with the world – and I am going to ignore that it may be egotistical. but it isnt everyone who dreams of standing in a public space, sharing what they know. that would possibly be akin to a nightmare for some …for me, not …I WANT it! with every fibre of my being. I am beginning to understand that despite there being hundreds of people – perhaps thousands of people – perhaps even millions of people doing what I want to do doesnt matter – no-one else can teach, share, impart in the way that I can. I am unique, as are all the others …and so I am claiming this dream and not ever going to discount it again! I have something to offer – my own unique perspective.

I have been inspired by so many people – famous or not. I am who I am partly because of each of them. Writer Richard Bach. Deepak Chopra. Oprah. Ellen. Neal Donald Walsh. Some of these people still inspire me. others have faded in my mind. Many friends adore the teaching of Eckhart Tolle. omg I cannot abide the way this man delivers his information. based on this, I know that there is still a place for me.

at the same time, I also want to be a home maker. I enjoy pottering about, cooking a meal, baking a cake, lounging around reading. watching a movie. playing word games. I love toddling along to darts and WI and meeting friends for tea.

I want it all. so I guess I need to create the scenario in my mind that allows me to go off to learn, then go off to share that learning, and then relax doing the stay at home and enjoying flirting with the idea of being a hermit

it isnt much to ask, is it? I dont believe that I have lived such a lucky supported blessed life just to fade into nothingness for the last twenty years or so …there is so much more to still achieve ……

 

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