on Being Awake, Aware

I have come through an absolutely hideous Dark Night of the Soul …jeez louise …this one had hobnailed boots on and loved to dance

I plumbed the depths of despair, sadness, grief, loneliness, you name it, I had it. Heartbreak of unimaginable proportions. but not depression. I refused to accept that diagnosis / label …and sure as heck was not going to take drugs for it. deep soul sadness of epic proportions yes, but I knew that I would eventually heal and get back to me.

so here I am. turning on the light at the end of this particular tunnel and ready to claim my abundant life again. I am standing here, shouting YES to the universe. YES, it is time YES it is me Yes I am ready YES oh dear goddess YES

I have embarked on a new way of thinking…it is part of my past way of thinking, but on another level. I watched The Secret again …seen it often since it first hit the screens. just as a reminder that I know this stuff

I am also reading a book that suggests different experiments to try to prove to oneself that the law of attraction works …and I bought a second copy of the book so that someone else could work alongside me with it

but that is not going to happen. within minutes there was some negativity from her about the wording in the book and wanting to renegotiate the ‘contract’ with the writing. and I know enough to walk away from that…..I have done negative for way too long and I am not buying that story again. so I shall continue with my experiments alone ..and share the joy and excitement with anyone who is willing to listen

first experiment is to give the Universe / whatever name you want to give it / god / spirit most high / pure energy …..you choose ….but to give that energy 48 hours in which to deliver a surprise – be it a chunk of money, a new relationship, a job offer, a butterfly landing on your hand ….48 hours to deliver …

I got pen and paper out to write a note to PE (pure energy) that by 11am on Friday, I will be able to record ALL the gifts I received …and checked my phone to ensure that I had the correct time …and there was my first gift – it was only 10am not 11am …and I was due to leave the house by 11.30 ……and suddenly instead of 30 minutes to prepare, I had 90 minutes! score!!!

because I had the extra time, I checked my emails …and discovered that at 10:09 the local supermarket had mailed to say that my parcel had arrived 48 hours earlier than expected!

that’s two things …but do you think I am giving PE any leeway? heck no! Abundance is abundance. if it can deliver two things in a couple of minutes then surely I can get much more than I anticipate?

one other little sort of, kind of, almost but maybe not quite, miracle/gift …for decades I have yearned to be a public speaker / teacher …and yet I had no idea what the subject matter will be – but that ache is real …and today I am thinking …I know the subject …it is about my journey, about how I have studied one inspirational person after another, and discounted my understanding and learnings because I thought, well…they said it, my words will be kinda flat after theirs …but no! from today I know deep inside that the audience and the microphone will appear, and I will step into the limelight and shine – not only from the reflected lighting but from within ..because it is Who I Am, it is my birthright and because not only does my tale need to be told, but I need to tell is …and so it is …thank you PE for all these delicious new ideas you are delivering to me as I become more awake, more aware ……

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