in(ter)dependence

I took a Giant Leap last year to the other side of the World … with the very vaguest of ideas of what to do and where to go and how to support myself

It is something that I felt I had to do – part of the journey for this particular lifetime. I am very glad I did. I sometimes yearn for people who are many miles away, and occasionally I feel a twinge of sadness that many familiar things are either permanently gone from my life, or too far away for me to enjoy them. Sights, sounds, smells ..you know the score

The huge change was my endeavour to prove to myself that I can earn enough money to support myself as a fully independent person

I thrust myself into an AddVenture that would generate income and also give me as much freedom as I wanted within some financial parameters

……..and then it began to dawn on me – I am never going to be independent. It is not possible. I am always going to be interdependent on others, because (and I am the loudest at preaching this …) there is merely an illusion of separation. we are all in this together.

people pay me to do things – they got that money from their hard work or from inheritances or whatever. I have investments because of the hard work of myself, my parents and others. I worked hard for my bosses for decades, and they paid me from cash they generated from their expertise AND my work in ensuring that they got paid for it….everything is interconnected

we are none of us independent. each one of us has skills or money or experiences or understandings that we gathered along our way, from a myriad of sources

clearly the lesson I have to learn on this AddVenture is not about being independent. It is far more to do with me learning about interdependence, and finding the role that works best for me.It is about finding the most enjoyable way through this maze of life.

I am acutely aware that there is still an imbalance in my life – I am still underselling myself, undervaluing my worth, and each time I notice it, I applaud myself for taking note and doing my best to rectify it.

Will I ever discover my true worth? will I ever sing the song I came here to sing? I certainly hope so, otherwise this is such a silly waste ….DSC_0230

 

lets sing together ………..

 

 

 

 

WildChild

it is said that for good emotional, mental and physical well-being, one should have a certain number of hugs per day. well, I am screwed! I am about 20,649,523 hugs in arrears.

Enter WildChild ….my fabricated solution to what seemed to be an insoluble challenge for me …what to say about a toy teddy who crept into my life, to be my companion when at the age of 20 (add a few decades if you want this to have a ring of truth) I turned my life upside down and inside out?

not for one moment am I going to suggest that she cares, or sidles up to me to issue hugs on a daily basis – she is a teddy bear, for goodness sake

but it is rather delightful to see her lying on the bed, or sitting in my car, as we go from pillar to post

and bed to bed

which makes this all sound rather fun and exciting

it is interesting, this life I am living right now

I have bravely (or indeed, incredibly stupidly) decided that I can be a carer for vulnerable adults in the UK …

what’s that you say? you know a place where I can get my head read? yay – lead on, MacDuff ….

the up side of this choice is that currently, I have no home. It is also the down side …

having no home means that my overhead costs are greatly reduced. I have a car, so insurance and petrol have to be considered.

I have a phone and a wifi router ..so a few costs in that department

other than that, no major costs (well, chocolates …ice cream ….that sort of thing …they cost money) the joy of having investments and no debts cannot be fully described

I have a safe haven in a friends home when I am not working. When I am contracted to do live-in care, I am housed and fed and paid (well, underpaid, really), in exchange for the work I am trained to offer ….

which generally means, I have cash to spend on fun, and I am my own boss and I am discovering that I am an incredibly generous boss as far as holiday time is concerned

 

It’s possible that I will share some of the interesting times we have had in the short time WildChild has been with me ….for instance, trips on a narrow boat on a canal, her refusal to leave the car for two whole weeks because of …well …wait and find out ….DSC_0103

 

 

 

 

validation is free

if you know me, you know how much I love words. friends persuaded me to play a real time word game on the internet, so that we can chat and play as if we are together, despite the thousands of miles that separate us

at first, I resisted. such pastimes can be addictive. my history shows, however, that I am able to break the bonds of addictions (viz. chocolate, soft drinks,other electronic games and using capital letters at the start of sentences)

so I logged on, joined in and started playing ….and oh my word (pardon the pun) I began to learn so much about me and the world

firstly, I am schooled in the art of speaking English. not American. and certainly not Ingrish.

in my world, za is not a word. ZA indicates South Africa. it is not a pizza. how idle can one possibly be, thinking that one small word like pizza is too long?

fessed is not a word. confessed is.

frape is seemingly a word, stemming from joining the words facebook and rape. in my world you can use the words rape, rapes, raped and many other versions of the word …but in this game, frape is a word – but not frapes. or fraped.

the inconsistency of the rules could make my hair grey, but that ship has sailed!

so I learn about words or what others believe are words. I learn to play that game so that I can get bigger scores, because despite thinking that I can ignore the score and play for the fun of it – there is a Competitor Inside ….and that version of me Has To Win! even if I have to use za as a word.

this is good. I learn that not only can I get high scores by using what may be considered to be odd words – like noetic, or anoetic (and for the record – they are real words despite being underlined in red as I type), but I can also get high scores by playing What Others Use As Words. it is a win-win situation

another aspect of the game is that one can validate a word before posting it. this is helpful. do I spell the word colate (no) or collate (yes)? this is very helpful when I a create a word that surely does not exist in my world, but may exist in the World of Strange Words.

the sneaky part of this validation, though, is that you have to pay for it. each day I get issued a few points towards it – and when I get to zero I stop checking, or playing.

there is a facility for buying (with real money) some more points if I need it (thanks for the very kind offer, but do I really look like an idiot?)

validation should cost nothing. and I am talking about validation in real life. for me to validate you in some way costs me nothing
you are lovely. you have great ideas. I love your smile. you radiate joy

saying things that helps you to feel that your presence, your talents, your contributions to this world. are meaningful, can never cost me anything.

when I remember to validate others (I am a bit slack in this department, but at least I acknowledge the shortcoming in me) it costs me nothing.

if I could remember how good it makes me feel to see or hear you enjoy the validation, then I would do it all day long, with everyone. it is such a feel-good thing for me to do – for anyone to do.

validation is free. send no dollars. just open your heart and your mouth and say what you see in others.

and I fess …there are times that I love za, homie

…………………..

oh my hat! and other nonsense sayings ….

Oh my hat, oh my word and oh my giddy aunt! I regularly use these phrases to register astonishment or excitement.

so here goes – Oh my word! how on earth did seven weeks disappear so quickly since last I blogged? it is a fact that has taken me by surprise. I always have these great intentions of sticking to a format or a formula that works for me – and then life happens

oh my giddy aunt! how am I going to deal with all the emotions that are running rampant through me? surely my giddy aunt will know, because for sure I have absolutely no idea! I took this Great Big Leap into The Unknown ….and what I have discovered first and foremost is that I came with me! All my baggage and preconceived notions and ideas of How I Want Things To Be ….they all jumped into my luggage and flew the six thousand miles to be with me. They knew I would get lonely without them – and how can I move forward until I deal with each one individually?

slowly but surely, I am confronting them and perhaps sending them packing, or moulding them to the way that works well for me. they are being relatively compliant, thankfully, although now and then one gets hold of my ankle and is not too keen to let go ~sigh~

this blog was meant to be about nonsense phrases ….but I am guessing that one of my PreConceived Notions has escaped and is rabbiting away inside my head until I take heed, listen, explore and deal with the issue

I think the Old Idea of Working Hard to Get On In Life is the one that is finding me restless at present. It is a habit that is hard to shake – and shake it I must …in order for me to enjoy the rest of my life. I want to Work Smart …not hard! I have done the Hard Work already – it is time, surely (?) to find the way to the I Can Support MySelf With Ease story. That is one of the PreConceived Notions that will be most welcome.

seems like it may be time to unpack some of the Old, turf it out and make space for the New ….

wish me luck as I wave the Old goodbye …cheerio, here I go, on my way ….

okay – you do not have to sing along – just wish me luck! thank you – I love you

October Horoscope : read by Ali for Ali

Oh Ali – this is such an exciting month ahead for you. My word, how on Earth did you dream up such a sizzling experience? the northern hemisphere experiences a solar eclipse this month, and it is as if they are trying to shield themselves from the glowing light that emerges from you! you are dazzling the world so much that the Universe has engineered an extra moment of darkness to balance out your glow!

some things may seem like they will flow easily and quickly. however, although it will all flow easily  – the quickly may be the challenge for you. remember that time is not linear – it is a man-made construct, and things may move at a speed that for you may not seem optimum. but rest assured – all of it – every single second of it, will be infused with so much fun that it will like an orange that is bursting with juice and flavour – simply delicious.

did you know that you are going to succeed with that project you have worked on for so many years – it is time for it to come to fruition. and the sigh of relief as you do that one last thing will explode from your body – and all the tension will simply disappear – and as usual, you will be asking yourself that Big Question – why did I try to avoid that for so very long, since as usual it will be that the Big Dragon that you think it may be, is merely a Whimpering Mouse

go get ’em girl – saddle up – and remember that Katie Perry song Roar??? you are a champion, and we’re gonna hear you ROAR!!!!

 

what is the answer?

when you keep asking the question, you disallow the answer – Abraham-Hicks

I heard this tonight and it makes sense to me – they said it in a different way a few years back …and I loved the analogy they used ….

it went along the lines of – a man walks into a burger place and orders a burger, and pays for it. a minute later, he demands quite loudly that he wants a burger. Yes sir, we are filling your order now.

more loudly, he again demands his burger – and this goes on until eventually the staff call security to have the man taken away, as they feel it is unsafe for them and other customers

and all he really had to do was to wait a moment for the order to be filled and passed across the counter to him

instead of relaxing, knowing he has set things in motion to get what he really really wanted, he focused on the lack of the burger

and the more he focused on it, and the louder and more abusive he became, the less fun he was having, the less fun everyone was having …and all he had to do was wait a moment or two

ask, and it is given ….but you have to allow the answer to come to you, as if you had ordered it like a burger ….

I have asked a load of questions – and I am enjoying each answer as it arrives

ask …and it is given

no exceptions

you can’t get there from here …

if here is a place of not understanding the laws of attraction

if here is a place of thinking – I can never do ____ get ____ be_____

if here is a place of not having x, y, z

if here is a place of lack, of needing something else, something less

if here is a place of feeling uncomfortable

if here is a place of things~are~not~quite~okay

then you will never get there ……..

if there is a place of abundance

if there is a place of health, wealth, well-being, filled with whatever it is you are wanting

if there is the place that you really really really want to be ….

then you have to prepare here

and you can prepare here by focusing so much on how fabulous you are going to feel when you are there, when you have all that you want from there …when you have the job, the lover, the health, the wealth, the joy, the whatever that you currently do not ‘have’ …when you drench yourself in how you would feel to be there …and when here becomes such a good feeling space that you feel you can burst with the joy of it, that is when there comes over here ….

can it be that easy?

well, of course it can!

I am doing it every single moment of every single day

and never have I been so happy and fulfilled

and I am no different from you – or you – or you  ….

so join me in feeling good ….really really good – and here attracts there …

and I appreciate the Abraham Hicks work that inspires me to live my best life